DESCRIPTION:

I am not the "almost perfect partner".

I pray to meet him.

And I am hoping he'd stay around.

Forever.

Yes.


Tuesday, December 06, 2011

June 12, 2011 : Bother Me Not

There are a lot of things bothering me lately. Some of them are resolved but most of them are not. I'd give time to have it over one by one. I have to get it all out of my way.


But the thing thats been bothering me the most is something I am not sure how to face.


God, please help me.

May 18, 2011 : Trust and Respect

"What's that one single element of a relationship, aside from love, that once lost, everything else will follow?"


Tanong sa akin yan ng isang blogger when we were talking over the phone. It just came out of the blue.


Ano nga ba?


He said "Trust".


Cliche! Lahat yan na lang sinasabi. At since ayokong magpatalo, iba ang sinabi ko. hahaha! Pero I think may sense naman...


I told him, that one element I cannot live without in a relationship is "Respect".


Ewan ko ba. In my opinion, may pagkakataong you can forgive a person and still trust him even after he did you wrong tapos you'll continue yung kung ano meron kayo and live happily ever after.


Pero when you lose respect to that person, hindi na magwowork.


Let's say for example when a guy cheats on me and I really love him a lot, I'll perhaps give him another chance. Defining words: Cheat, Perhaps, Chance.


Love will give life to respect and respect will pay it forward by breathing life to trust. For me, trust is something that you give electively to somebody.


Magwowork ang relationship even with a very little trust, it may be difficult but it will find its way in, so long as you really are willing to work on it.


Pero pag nawala ang respect, for me, wala ng chance to gain it anymore.


When a cheater cheats, you may give him another chance and trust him with another try to make things work. Kaya nga I think it, trust, is elective.


By cheating you may lose trust, yes, but more than that you will lose respect to that person already. Siguro it may not struck you in the face pero somewhere if youll think more about it, hindi ka na makikipagbalikan hindi lang dahil hindi mo sya kayang pagkatiwalaan. Hindi mo sya pagbibigyan dahil hindi mo na kayang respetuhin ang sinasabi nyang hindi na nya uulitin.


anyway, this is me ranting yet again. 


Bye for now.

May 16, 2011 : Closure

nakita ko sya last saturday sa boni.


I didnt feel pain anymore, I felt sorry for him.


He texted me that we could talk that time.


I replied "ano paguusapan natin".


He sent back, "date kaw gusto makipagusap kasi di ba?".


I said, "Dati kasi kelangan ko ng closure, ngayon I'm okay na."


I see no wrong about what I said. Tama naman ako di ba? A closure is needed when something is not closed yet. Tulong yun.


He didn't give me any closure noon, he wants me to do it on my own using whats left sa sanity ko. Hirap, but I was able to manage it--without his help.


Kaya nga di ba, Bakit pa?

May 1, 2011 : Labor Day

Ever wondered what happened?


I saw you. I kept on looking at you and I know you, too, were staring at me. I catched you a couple of times, you see. My friends told me that your eyes were teary, too, when you saw me. What are those for? I know, I would never know.


You had the courage to step forward and join the team, when he was still not around. I had the courage to hand you a coke and I even asked someone to call you when it was time to eat.


You looked just like how I imagined you would look. Same clothes, not the same status. When dawn is about to break, I saw you wearing only your briefs and draped by your towel, perhaps to keep you warm, and you looked great stll the same.


I never chance seeing you having a bit of remorse to what happened. I guess I won't enjoy that luxury anymore.


I cried a river when I was with Ice and I told him all my pain. I cried an ocean when Robin walked with me to destress. Dependable people. I thank them.


This time I would say, I got to move on.


Theres no more sense in staying since I feel that you're no longer coming back. Thank you. I feel loads worse and, at the same time, better.


It takes a lot of labor to get here.

May 7, 2011 : Rock My World

Why do these dreams still plague me when all I want is to keep on moving forward?


Last night was the worst dream I ever had.


You came back, without a word I smiled at you, and gave you a welcome hug.


It made me hope. AGAIN! Damn me.


Well, I guess I am damned.


Last night when I was talking to Aeroul, you sent me a text asking me where am I. I sent you back that I am at home.


Good. You know how to rock my world. Sorry, darling, but I know how to rock it even more.


Tonight, I'm going to party hard.

May 6, 2011 : Bliss

I don't know what happened to you, but thankfully, you gave me my night back. You spared me of my only resting hours. You weren't in my dream last night and I sure hope that you will never be in it again. Dreaming of you makes me fall back a couple of steps behind.


I don't like that as much as the real you do and I must not admit that I sorta missed hugging the dream you.


I woke up with bliss and I would hold on to this as much as I can.


Today, I'm going to be too busy. It's Arvin's birthday and Ady's graduation party. Gotta keep this momentum going.

May 5, 2011 : Last Time


I would only hope for you until the end of the night. Tomorrow I would start letting you go.

the roller-coaster-ride-a-la-Cinderella love story would stop its track, for me, and I'd start living my life as if you never existed on it.

And once the sandman takes me to the vortex of dreams, I will keep and lock you there. I'd make sure that the only time you would have a piece of me is when you appear on my dreams. In my concious hours, your presence would not hurt me anymore. I will not let myself to be in pain again, like how you always makes me feel when my heart and mind lingers in my memories of you and how we used to be.

It only needs a little growing up.

And a lot of hardwork.

Determined.